Learn the proper way to approach dogs and their owners.
Dog lovers want to pet dogs, simple as that. Unfortunately, we can’t interact with every dog we see, and for good reason. Some dogs are skittish, reactive, or the owner simply doesn’t want them distracted. No matter the reason, we’re here to share how you can ask to pet a dog as a bystander and how to respond as an owner.
So you see a dog you want to pet and are curious about what to do next. We never recommend rushing an unsuspecting dog and their owner, but you can simply ask the owner if you’d like to pet or play with their dog. This first step is crucial, whether the dog is trying to get your attention or whining for you to touch them. Not only is it a sign of respect, but the owner can share information about the dog before you interact with them.
Once you’ve asked the owner for permission, make sure the dog is on board. Approach them calmly and speak to them in a low, gentle voice. Allow them to sniff your hand, your pants—after all, a dog's sense of smell is them gathering information about us!
Crouch down to be on their level if possible, and be patient. The whole time you interact with a dog, you should pay attention to their body language and react accordingly.
If a dog is receptive to your advances, they will likely wag their tail in a relaxed, swooshing motion, and their ears will be slightly perked up. They’ll look at you with a soft, perhaps squinted somewhat gaze and will have a relaxed posture.
Aside from a wagging tail, dogs need to be showing interest by gently sniffing, and their facial features need to be relaxed (upright/forward ears). If they aren't back away and give them space.
Dr. Erica Irish
A more hesitant dog will have a tense posture with little or no tail wagging. Their tail might even be tucked under them. They may avoid eye contact, and their ears could be flattened against their heads. Generally, they’ll be pretty avoidant and any attention they give you may feel forced.
When dogs give you the "side eye" and their ears are back and down that means they aren't receptive to a persons advances. Alternatively, some dogs who are extremely anxious or aggressive may have a wagging tail, so it's important to watch what all parts of the body are saying and adjust your actions accordingly.
Dr. Erica Irish
Whether the dog has a behavioral issue or it’s a personal preference of the owner, assuming that you can pet a dog in public is never okay. No matter the reason, people are allowed to decline pets to their pups.
Most dogs you see in public will be on a leash, and the unfortunate truth is that regular and constant attention from strangers while attached to their leash can cause a dog to develop leash aggression. Fear and frustration in a dog can lead to them lashing out by biting, barking, or growling, and they associate this with the leash. Most of the time, these dogs will provide cues telling a stranger to back off, but owners should still verbally communicate this and consider a leash label.
Reactivity in dogs can have many causes and even more potential triggers. Going up to a strange dog without consent from their owner can result in a bite, and regardless of who initiated contact, the dog and owner in question are responsible.
Anxious dogs are likely to lash out if their boundaries are crossed. And, while they may look inviting and friendly if they’re in a situation that stresses them out, they can react poorly.
Patience is usually thinner in senior dogs, and they may simply be less likely or interested in entertaining the advances of strangers. Plus, cognitive decline in older dogs can cause personality changes—once friendly, loving pups can become agitated or fearful older dogs.
Truth be told, there doesn’t need to be a reason why an owner declines for a person to pet their dog nor do they owe anyone an explanation. No is a complete sentence in this case, and people should respect that decision without taking offense. After all, you’d respect someone's boundaries around their human child, so why not their pet?
Whether you are the pet owner or you’re the person wanting to pet a person’s dog, you should always remain respectful and polite during interactions. Sometimes there will be people who don’t always know the proper etiquette in these situations, but it’s helpful to share guidance with them for the future.
👉 In fact, you can bookmark this article to share so others know the boundaries and things to know when addressing this type of situation.
There are ways to train your dog to accept pets from strangers.
We always recommend considering the work of a qualified dog trainer to help with any type of aggression, but at home, you can start with simple training. This includes things like using a shorter leash, employing positive reinforcement, identifying their triggers and slowly desensitizing them to those triggers, and socializing them.
As with leash aggression, reactive dogs generally benefit from positive reinforcement, counter-conditioning, controlled socialization, and a calm owner. If you’re having a hard time helping them overcome their triggers at home, reach out to your vet to see what your options are.
Routines are incredibly helpful for anxious dogs. That might mean going on the same walk path every day at the same time, rewarding positive, calm behavior, and creating a safe space for them. You can also consider consulting with your vet about medications.
A happy senior dog is one that is healthy and stimulated. That starts with ensuring they have the proper diet, the right supplements, and that they’re getting enough exercise. Mental stimulation with interactive toys and puzzle games help prevent mental decline. Importantly, you should pay attention to your senior dog’s behavior, as pain can cause dogs to lash out and older dogs have more aches than younger ones.
